Bad Bookkeeper
Currently, I am in the process of putting together Betty's Bookkeeper's "Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper" entries into a single eBook as per the request of many of my readers. In that eBook, there will be all of the entries from this website - entries of embezzlement and how to stop YOUR Betty Bookkeepers - plus there will be many extra entries from Betty's personal life (just to really round out what a bad bookkeeper's life might look like).
However, until that time comes, I have been asked to put the entries into some kind of cohesive format. So, for now, here's the best I can offer...direct links to the various articles - in order.
Thank you to everyone who is helping me make Betty as clever and conniving as possible.
--E.T. Barton
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Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper – (Day 1) A New Job
Dear Diary, I just started my new job today, and it’s perfect. It’s a small company with only a few employees, most of whom are never in the office – they all work “in the field.” Also, there’s a receptionist, so I won’t have to be constantly answering the phone (thank goodness for that). The [...]
Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper – (Day 9) In the Clear
Dear Diary, Well, it’s been a little over a week, and I would say I’ve got “the lay of the land.” Apparently, the Owner wasn’t kidding when he said he’d be out of the office a lot. I have yet to actually see him in the office for more than an hour a day. He [...]
Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 14) – The Carnage Begins
Well Diary, Today was the day… the FIRST day that I stole from the company. Today, I forged my first check with the owner’s signature. I would have done it a couple days ago – as soon as I found out the owner doesn’t open the bank statements, and in fact expects me to do [...]
Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 30) – The Double Payday Scam
Dear Diary, Today was payday – the second since I’ve been here. I figured it was about time to test the Double Payday Scam – to see if my boss would actually catch me. So, I started the day by doing the Payroll. Just like two weeks ago, I created and took all of the [...]
Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 40) – Stealing the Boss’s Identity
I got a new credit card today. Well, technically, I got a new “company credit card” today. When the boss wasn’t around, I went ahead and called his credit card company and told them we had lost his company card and needed a new one. They asked me for all of the usual identifying information [...]
Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 55) – The Sister Company Scam
Dear Diary, Today I became a business owner. That’s right, I’ve opened my own business and am about to make a million dollars the easy way – with little or no money down. Okay – I spent a little money. But technically, it wasn’t my money. It was my boss’s money – or maybe I [...]
Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper: (Day 72) Bank Balance? What Bank Balance?
Today, was a funny day. The boss came into my office, and he had this look on his face. It was a look like, I’m gonna get answers – no matter what. Pasting an innocent expression on my face, I quickly hid the Mafia Wars game on my computer screen and turned my full attention [...]
Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper – (Day 97) The Shell Company Scam
Dear Diary, Another day, another dollar…or at least, another stolen dollar. Well – I’ve had my own company for about two weeks now and I’ve made a couple thousand dollars skimming off the deposits. The boss hasn’t noticed. As far as he’s concerned, all of the invoices are paid, and I’m doing my job incredibly [...]
Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 112) – Theft by Signature Stamp
Dear Diary, Today the boss went on vacation and guess what he gave me…the Signature Stamp. I couldn’t believe it when he handed it to me. I think my smile was from ear-to-ear. Doesn’t he realize how stupid it is to give me the signature stamp? “Are you sure you want to give this to [...]
Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 127) – The Payroll Tax Scam
Dear Diary, Today, I was bored at work. Really bored. I mean – surf-the-internet-looking-for-designer-handbags bored. (And I don’t even like designer handbags…although I wouldn’t mind a Brighton.) Anyway…it was Payroll Day, which usually I’m happy about. When payroll comes around, I take my sweet time entering all the timecards and wages. I tell the boss [...]
Today was a not-so-great day. Apparently, I have a partner now. I never intended to have a partner, but it appears I have no choice in the matter. Here’s what happened:I was in my office (innocently shredding checks), when I suddenly heard a man say, “I know what you’re doing.” [...]
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