Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper: Why the Accountant Did NOT Catch Me

Dear Diary,

Let me just say – WhewWhat a relief.  Tax time is over and I got off scott-free.

You see, I was very concerned that when I handed over the business books to the accountant this year, I would be busted – caught – nailed to the wall.  I was sure I’d be in Shawshank before long, and I was almost tempted to clean up my act – almost.  I was sure I was cooked when the accountant called me a couple … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 127) – The Payroll Tax Scam

Dear Diary,

Today, I was bored at work.  Really bored.  I mean – surf-the-internet-looking-for-designer-handbags bored.  (And I don’t even like designer handbags…although I wouldn’t mind a Brighton.)

Anyway…it was Payroll Day, which usually I’m happy about.  When payroll comes around, I take my sweet time entering all the timecards and wages.  I tell the boss it’s an all-day project, but in actuality, I’m done before lunchtime.  I usually bring the checks into his office around 4PM, thus I get the rest of the … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper – (Day 1) A New Job

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Dear Diary,

I just started my new job today, and it’s perfect.  It’s a small company with only a few employees, most of whom are never in the office – they all work “in the field.”  Also, there’s a receptionist, so I won’t have to be constantly answering the phone (thank goodness for that).  The receptionist is very friendly, and I can tell that she’s looking forward to having another woman in the office.  Most of the other employees are men – all the better for … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 112) – Theft by Signature Stamp

Betty Bookkeeper Headshot

Dear Diary,

Today the boss went on vacation and guess what he gave me…the Signature Stamp.  I couldn’t believe it when he handed it to me.  I think my smile was from ear-to-ear.  Doesn’t he realize how stupid it is to give me the signature stamp?

“Are you sure you want to give this to me?” I asked all innocent like.  In the back of my mind, I was already calculating how much money I might be able to get now that I had this new stamp.

“Of course.  I trust you,” he told me with an amused little smirk.

Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper: (Day 149) The Collusion Scam

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Dear Diary,

Today was a not-so-great day.  Apparently, I have a partner now.  I never intended to have a partner, but it appears I have no choice in the matter.  Here’s what happened:

I was in my office (innocently shredding checks), when I suddenly heard a man say, “I know what you’re doing.”

Quickly slipping the leftover checks back into my desk drawer, I looked at him with my most innocent expression.  “What do you mean?” I asked sweetly.  It was Ernie, one of the flooring … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 30) – The Double Payday Scam

Dear Diary,

Today was payday – the second since I’ve been here.  I figured it was about time to test the Double Payday Scam – to see if my boss would actually catch me.

So, I started the day by doing the Payroll.  Just like two weeks ago, I created and took all of the paychecks to the boss to sign.  He signed them, with only the occasional request to see a corresponding timecard…then he signed mine without question.

I … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 40) – Stealing the Boss’s Identity

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I got a new credit card today. Well, technically, I got a new “company credit card” today. When the boss wasn’t around, I went ahead and called his credit card company and told them we had lost his company card and needed a new one. They asked me for all of the usual identifying information – social security number, mother’s maiden name, address, phone, account number, etc. – and of course, I gave the guy on the other end of the line … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper: Deletions and Voids

Betty Bookkeeper Headshot

Dear Diary,

Let me just premise this entry by saying — crap crap crap crap crap.

I got a phone call from the accountant today.  It’s tax time, and the accountant wants to meet with me to go over the books.  Since I’ve never worked with this accountant before, I have no idea how closely they are going to want to look at the books.  I can’t help but fear that the accountant is going to figure out what I’ve been doing if he looks too closely at the books.  So I was in … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper: (Day 72) Bank Balance? What Bank Balance?

Dear Diary,

Today, was a funny day.  The boss came into my office, and he had this look on his face.  It was a look like, I’m gonna get answers – no matter what.

Pasting an innocent expression on my face, I quickly hid the Mafia Wars game on my computer screen and turned my full attention to him.  “What’s up, Boss?” I asked.

“Hey, Betty.  I was just wondering – how much money do we have … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper: Men Suck!

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Dear Diary,

Today was another, “Not so great day”…but this time it was one for the books.

Today, when I went to work, I wasn’t feeling so hot.  In fact, I ended up puking into my office trash can just as the boss walked in.

Betty Bookkeeper Headshot“Hey,” he says to me, looking concerned.  “You’re sick?  You shouldn’t be here if you’re sick.  Go home!”

“She was sick yesterday too,” the … Read More