Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper – (Day 97) The Shell Company Scam

Betty Bookkeeper Headshot

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Dear Diary,

Another day, another dollar…or at least, another stolen dollar.

Well – I’ve had my own company for about two weeks now and I’ve made a couple thousand dollars skimming off the deposits.  The boss hasn’t noticed.  As far as he’s concerned, all of the invoices are paid, and I’m doing my job incredibly well.  In fact, I just passed the three month trial period, and the boss gave me a $0.50 an hour raise.  When he told me that, I felt like saying, “Really?  A … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper: A Warning Sign

Betty Bookkeeper Headshot

Dear Diary,

Betty Bookkeeper HeadshotToday sucked… and I mean, straight up sucked.

There I was, minding my own business, when in walks the boss with a receipt. On the receipt are stamped the letters C.O.D. It was from one of our vendors that apparently hasn’t been paid in so long, they’ve changed our account from credit to C.O.D.

“What is this, Betty?” the boss asked me. “Why has ABC Hardware turned our credit account … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper: (Day 72) Bank Balance? What Bank Balance?

Dear Diary,

Today, was a funny day.  The boss came into my office, and he had this look on his face.  It was a look like, I’m gonna get answers – no matter what.

Pasting an innocent expression on my face, I quickly hid the Mafia Wars game on my computer screen and turned my full attention to him.  “What’s up, Boss?” I asked.

“Hey, Betty.  I was just wondering – how much money do we have … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper: (Day 149) The Collusion Scam

Betty Bookkeeper Headshot

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Dear Diary,

Today was a not-so-great day.  Apparently, I have a partner now.  I never intended to have a partner, but it appears I have no choice in the matter.  Here’s what happened:

I was in my office (innocently shredding checks), when I suddenly heard a man say, “I know what you’re doing.”

Quickly slipping the leftover checks back into my desk drawer, I looked at him with my most innocent expression.  “What do you mean?” I asked sweetly.  It was Ernie, one of the flooring … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 127) – The Payroll Tax Scam

Dear Diary,

Today, I was bored at work.  Really bored.  I mean – surf-the-internet-looking-for-designer-handbags bored.  (And I don’t even like designer handbags…although I wouldn’t mind a Brighton.)

Anyway…it was Payroll Day, which usually I’m happy about.  When payroll comes around, I take my sweet time entering all the timecards and wages.  I tell the boss it’s an all-day project, but in actuality, I’m done before lunchtime.  I usually bring the checks into his office around 4PM, thus I get the rest of the … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 112) – Theft by Signature Stamp

Betty Bookkeeper Headshot

Dear Diary,

Today the boss went on vacation and guess what he gave me…the Signature Stamp.  I couldn’t believe it when he handed it to me.  I think my smile was from ear-to-ear.  Doesn’t he realize how stupid it is to give me the signature stamp?

“Are you sure you want to give this to me?” I asked all innocent like.  In the back of my mind, I was already calculating how much money I might be able to get now that I had this new stamp.

“Of course.  I trust you,” he told me with an amused little smirk.

Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 195) – The IRS

Betty Bookkeeper Headshot

Dear Diary,

Today I got a notice from the IRS.  Luckily, the receptionist passed the letter to me unopened before the boss saw it (she didn’t know what it was), and he doesn’t know it’s here.

Opening the letter, I was shocked.  The IRS said that the company owned payroll taxes on the paychecks for the last three months that I’ve been here, and since we hadn’t paid when we were supposed to, we now owe penalties and interest.  Apparently, payroll taxes are due within three business days of cutting payroll checks, and the … Read More