The SpongeBob SquarePants School of Business

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Okay, I have a confession to make:  I am a Mom.  Even worse, I am a Mom with a Toddler.  What that means is that as a “Mom with a Toddler,” I know all the words to “Elmo’s World.”  I also know how to “Do the Pigeon” and that “C is for Cookie” (which is good enough for me).  I know how to read Dora’s map, and I know Hannah Montana’s true identity.

What’s more… I know “who lives in a Pineapple under the sea.”

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Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper – (Day 97) The Shell Company Scam

Betty Bookkeeper Headshot

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Dear Diary,

Another day, another dollar…or at least, another stolen dollar.

Well – I’ve had my own company for about two weeks now and I’ve made a couple thousand dollars skimming off the deposits.  The boss hasn’t noticed.  As far as he’s concerned, all of the invoices are paid, and I’m doing my job incredibly well.  In fact, I just passed the three month trial period, and the boss gave me a $0.50 an hour raise.  When he told me that, I felt like saying, “Really?  A … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper: A Warning Sign

Betty Bookkeeper Headshot

Dear Diary,

Betty Bookkeeper HeadshotToday sucked… and I mean, straight up sucked.

There I was, minding my own business, when in walks the boss with a receipt. On the receipt are stamped the letters C.O.D. It was from one of our vendors that apparently hasn’t been paid in so long, they’ve changed our account from credit to C.O.D.

“What is this, Betty?” the boss asked me. “Why has ABC Hardware turned our credit account … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 55) – The Sister Company Scam

Betty Bookkeeper Headshot

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Dear Diary,

Today I became a business owner.  That’s right, I’ve opened my own business and am about to make a million dollars the easy way – with little or no money down.  Okay – I spent a little money.  But technically, it wasn’t my money.  It was my boss’s money – or maybe I should call him my “investor” – not that he knows he’s an investor.

If only all those companies touting their “make a million dollars without doing any … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper: (Day 149) The Collusion Scam

Betty Bookkeeper Headshot

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Dear Diary,

Today was a not-so-great day.  Apparently, I have a partner now.  I never intended to have a partner, but it appears I have no choice in the matter.  Here’s what happened:

I was in my office (innocently shredding checks), when I suddenly heard a man say, “I know what you’re doing.”

Quickly slipping the leftover checks back into my desk drawer, I looked at him with my most innocent expression.  “What do you mean?” I asked sweetly.  It was Ernie, one of the flooring … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 127) – The Payroll Tax Scam

Dear Diary,

Today, I was bored at work.  Really bored.  I mean – surf-the-internet-looking-for-designer-handbags bored.  (And I don’t even like designer handbags…although I wouldn’t mind a Brighton.)

Anyway…it was Payroll Day, which usually I’m happy about.  When payroll comes around, I take my sweet time entering all the timecards and wages.  I tell the boss it’s an all-day project, but in actuality, I’m done before lunchtime.  I usually bring the checks into his office around 4PM, thus I get the rest of the … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper: Men Suck!

Betty Bookkeeper Headshot

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Dear Diary,

Today was another, “Not so great day”…but this time it was one for the books.

Today, when I went to work, I wasn’t feeling so hot.  In fact, I ended up puking into my office trash can just as the boss walked in.

Betty Bookkeeper Headshot“Hey,” he says to me, looking concerned.  “You’re sick?  You shouldn’t be here if you’re sick.  Go home!”

“She was sick yesterday too,” the … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 30) – The Double Payday Scam

Dear Diary,

Today was payday – the second since I’ve been here.  I figured it was about time to test the Double Payday Scam – to see if my boss would actually catch me.

So, I started the day by doing the Payroll.  Just like two weeks ago, I created and took all of the paychecks to the boss to sign.  He signed them, with only the occasional request to see a corresponding timecard…then he signed mine without question.

I … Read More

Get Out of the Box

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Ever heard the expression, “Think Outside the Box?”  Of course you have – who hasn’t?  Roughly translated, it means to think of the things that people don’t normally think of.  In business, it means to find and utilize the ideas that your competition is missing.

What is my point, you may wonder, and why am I bringing up this topic?  A few days ago, I had a conversation with another bookkeeper that irritated the “heck” out of me.  The bookkeeper worked for a property management … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper: Paypal

Betty Bookkeeper Headshot

Dear Diary,

Betty Bookkeeper HeadshotToday I got an intriguing email.  The email was a confirmation from PayPal.  It said that we had spent $150 on an online order.  Since the company does not have a PayPal account, I knew it was a scam – a Phishing Scam, where some con artist is trying to get access to our account.  When you click on the links in the email, … Read More