Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 195) – The IRS

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Dear Diary,

Today I got a notice from the IRS.  Luckily, the receptionist passed the letter to me unopened before the boss saw it (she didn’t know what it was), and he doesn’t know it’s here.

Opening the letter, I was shocked.  The IRS said that the company owned payroll taxes on the paychecks for the last three months that I’ve been here, and since we hadn’t paid when we were supposed to, we now owe penalties and interest.  Apparently, payroll taxes are due within three business days of cutting payroll checks, and the … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper: Men Suck!

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Dear Diary,

Today was another, “Not so great day”…but this time it was one for the books.

Today, when I went to work, I wasn’t feeling so hot.  In fact, I ended up puking into my office trash can just as the boss walked in.

Betty Bookkeeper Headshot“Hey,” he says to me, looking concerned.  “You’re sick?  You shouldn’t be here if you’re sick.  Go home!”

“She was sick yesterday too,” the … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 40) – Stealing the Boss’s Identity

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I got a new credit card today. Well, technically, I got a new “company credit card” today. When the boss wasn’t around, I went ahead and called his credit card company and told them we had lost his company card and needed a new one. They asked me for all of the usual identifying information – social security number, mother’s maiden name, address, phone, account number, etc. – and of course, I gave the guy on the other end of the line … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper – (Day 9) In the Clear

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Dear Diary,

Well, it’s been a little over a week, and I would say I’ve got “the lay of the land.”   Apparently, the Owner wasn’t kidding when he said he’d be out of the office a lot.  I have yet to actually see him in the office for more than an hour a day.  He comes into the office in the morning to give his field guys their daily assignments, then he talks to me for about 10 minutes before he too heads … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 55) – The Sister Company Scam

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Dear Diary,

Today I became a business owner.  That’s right, I’ve opened my own business and am about to make a million dollars the easy way – with little or no money down.  Okay – I spent a little money.  But technically, it wasn’t my money.  It was my boss’s money – or maybe I should call him my “investor” – not that he knows he’s an investor.

If only all those companies touting their “make a million dollars without doing any … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper: (Day 149) The Collusion Scam

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Dear Diary,

Today was a not-so-great day.  Apparently, I have a partner now.  I never intended to have a partner, but it appears I have no choice in the matter.  Here’s what happened:

I was in my office (innocently shredding checks), when I suddenly heard a man say, “I know what you’re doing.”

Quickly slipping the leftover checks back into my desk drawer, I looked at him with my most innocent expression.  “What do you mean?” I asked sweetly.  It was Ernie, one of the flooring … Read More

Diary of a Bad, Bad Bookkeeper (Day 14) – The Carnage Begins

Well Diary,

Betty Bookkeeper HeadshotToday was the day… the FIRST day that I stole from the company.  Today, I forged my first check with the owner’s signature. I would have done it a couple days ago – as soon as I found out the owner doesn’t open the bank statements, and in fact expects me to do it – but the owner suddenly changed his pattern. Instead of staying out of the office, like he had done every … Read More